We recently got a call that we had been anticipating for a while. Matt’s grandmother passed away. Normally, this would seem an ordinary occurrence in the circle of life but this lady managed to do something extraordinary; she lived to be 106. She was never on a long term medication, was never in pain and took her vitamins every day. She passed in her sleep.

At the service, the pastor recounted what his grandmother had told people over and over again were her secrets to living a long life. They weren’t anything that I mentioned above. They weren’t some complicated formula. Her secrets were to simply forgive; always forgive. As soon as you feel a worry, put it in God’s hands; always love. That may seem too simple to truly be the answer, but I can tell you that I saw it’s effects first hand in her life five years ago.

The first time I met her she was 101. We happened to be at the funeral of another family member and we took Matt’s grandmother back to her home after the service. She was feeling a bit ill, as the death in the family was sudden and unexpected. We got to talking and the conversation came to the healing work that I do. I asked her if she would like a session. She said yes. I was very curious to see what her energy system looked like given that she had never had energy work before. I prepared myself for a long session and tapped into her energy.

I couldn’t believe what I saw. This woman, who had never had energy work done, didn’t meditate on a regular basis (but did pray often) and ate pretty much whatever she wanted was virtually spotless. Every chakra was balanced and clean, every meridian was flowing and even her aura was intact with no rips or tears. Her energy system was cleaner and in better shape than anyone I had ever worked on. It was astounding. She had a little grief energy in her field from a couple of family members that I quickly removed, but honestly, it would have fallen out in a day or so.

Her simple formula worked. She didn’t hold onto things; no negative emotions had ever gotten lodged in her system long term and her impeccable health was the result. Not to mention, she lit up any room that she powered her little red wheelchair into, which she rode around on up until she passed. Simply the delight of a woman and a shining example to all of us that loving, trusting the Universe and forgiving is all it takes.

So next time you find yourself stressing out over something, give it up. When you are angry at someone, forgive. You can’t control what is happening around you, but you can control your reaction to it. Keep it simple. Forgive, forget, love.

My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary in November. It seems like we have been together forever, but at the same time, it seems like there is no way it has been 7 years. And those 7 years haven’t been easy ones. I would dare say we have been in marriage bootcamp nearly the whole time. Life has been throwing us curve balls left and right, honestly, enough for a freaking novel. You just can’t make this stuff up. But the one unfailing constant has been our unwavering ability to remain in a good place with each other. We are nice. We don’t exchange harsh words. Now before you go assuming what I mean, let me explain. First of all, this marriage is not my first rodeo. I was married before for almost 19 years. And it was hard. Really hard. For a whole host of reasons that are for another time. But in every relationship you learn a lot about yourself and that first marriage was a PhD program, in all the best ways. So, this time I am doing things differently and I picked a different type of person for my journey that mirrors how I view relationships. It’s a game-changer.

Like I said before, we don’t exchange harsh words. Now that doesn’t mean that I am on the verge of my head exploding because I never speak up. I even get comments from people saying, “but all couples fight. It’s healthy.” I would say more along the lines that fighting is a chosen dynamic fueled by what we believe to be true and for some couples it works. The way I see it is that fighting is like driving nails into a fence. Even if you remove the nail, the hole is still there. The damage is done. So how do you shift the dynamic of fighting? The first step is not to be reactive. Instead, first pause and reflect. Does what happened REALLY matter? Are you more upset than you should be about the situation? Was the act that has you upset intentional? If the answer is yes to any one of these, then whatever happened hit something inside of you that needs healing. That is why it happened in the first place. It gives you the opportunity to grow. So, if this happens, stop and take a moment to ask yourself, where is this hitting me? 

Do I not feel seen or heard? Is this reminding me of another time I was hurt? Does it cause me to doubt my trust in my partner?

When you make the connection, it helps you to bring the situation into a healthier perspective and elicit a more called for a response. And when you find these wounded places, love yourself and say, “I chose to heal this part of myself that was touched right now.” Take some deep breaths of light into the space that holds your hurt and let it go. After you have calmed and you feel that there are pieces of the situation that need to be addressed with your partner, by all means, do so. Problem-solve together. Never forget that you are a team. Each of you needs to own your part. If you can each begin to do that, you are destined for a long and happy life together.

Last week I got together with one of my near and dear friend. She had been struggling with a decision to move on with a relationship. They had actually already broken up but she is the kind of person that wants to still be friends and they had begun getting closer again. She told me that it had alarmed her and she was transparent enough to let him know. She didn’t want to hurt him but it was feeling uncomfortable and she needed some space. She wasn’t sure deep down if she should still be involved in any way at all with him.

I told her that when you aren’t sure, it’s best to just take a step back and really evaluate where the feelings are coming from. She had been hurt in the relationship, so we took a look at the triggers around what had happened and whether or not her feelings of distance were coming exclusively from that place or other places of fear of being hurt again. She started to describe the relationship and it came out that he still had a lot of guilt about what happened. The energy of the guilt he was carrying was part of the discomfort, but there were other small issues that she had brushed aside that her feelings of alarm were calling her to question.

I told her to take some time and things would come into focus in a few days. Sometimes, we are swimming in muddy water and until the dirt settles, we can’t see which way to swim.

A few days later I spoke with her again. She had a huge energy shift in the last conversation she had had with him and she felt she should end it completely. She was calling me to see if I could pick up on if that was the ‘right’ thing to do or not. I told her that if she was feeling that strongly about it, it was the right thing to do. Your soul will never steer you wrong, even if it isn’t the direction you expected.

I told her to imagine that each decision was a ball of energy in her hand. Take the first ball of energy which is staying in contact, put it in your mouth, chew it up and swallow it. See how it feels in your body, giving it a little time to settle. Notice how your body reacts physically and emotionally. Don’t try to make it anything other than what it is and don’t judge yourself for your reaction. Next, do that with the ball of energy that represents cutting off contact and see how that feels. This helped and she was able to feel a difference between the two and realized her initial intuition was right.

When we perform this exercise combining energy, imagery and our physical body, it engages our intuition in a different way. It allows the physical body, which we tend to trust more, to get involved (think of pain or a knot in your stomach or nausea). It is a great way to hone your intuition and stay in better alignment with your soul path, which is the ultimate decision for our best and highest good.

So next time you are struggling with a decision, chew it up and swallow it!

Let me know how it works for you in the comments below.