A few weeks ago, my oldest son walked in from work and sat down. This may seem like a normal thing to do, but not for him. He usually makes a b-line straight to his room. But instead, he put his head on the table and mumbled something that I didn't quite understand, something like, you wont like this but... I already knew what he was going to say. He was moving out. And in with his dad. When this thought came to him initially a couple of months ago, he had decided against it but he had been mulling it over. I could tell he was dreading this talk with me.
The history in the situation is one of tremendous growth, albeit not that easy. So he knew that this might be hard for me to hear. He started stating the reasons why, but I cut him off. "Ok," I said. "I think that's a great idea." He looked shocked and relieved all at once. Then he kept telling me why and I let him talk. He was ready for more space and his dad could provide that for him there; he wanted room for a music studio and his own bathroom. And there were other reasons that I was aware of that he wasn't, but that didn't really matter. All he needed to know was that I supported his choice. So as we sat there and discussed the particulars, I would like to say that I was zen through and through. In some ways I was. But in others, I was triggered with a barrage of feelings that I couldn't completely discern.
My spirit guides had been preparing me for this, telling me it was coming. They had said December, but here it was January and I was beginning to think they had totally missed the mark, but here it was. It was time.
After we talked, I sat there in shock for a while, happiness, grief, disbelief, etc. started swirling like a tornado, but I pushed it down and told myself, this was a good thing, because it was. I went through the rest of the day holding myself in a good place and started letting go. The move date was a week away but as it approached I got more and more ready and not ready at the same time. I knew no matter how much I prepared myself, it would all come to a head. He needed to go and I knew it but I couldn't help but ask myself, did I do a good job as a mom? Did I give him everything of myself that I possibly could? We all feel like we fall short at times, but there are no mistakes. The circumstances in our lives happen the way they are supposed to, for ourselves and for others.
I might have cried in my closet and in my bath and on my bed as I thought about all those things...maybe. Letting go was something that I wasn't fully prepared to do, but luckily I had Jesus to talk me through it. "It's time," he said. "You have to let go. Love and let go, that is all you have to do."
I took some deep breaths and started the process. There were layers and layers of thought patterns and emotions to work through. Some I understood and embraced and other things were not so easy to look at. The key is to love yourself no matter what shows up. Know that it is all perfect and by acknowledging it, you can move through it to get to the other side.
The next morning was clearer and I felt accomplished. I knew that he was on his journey and my job was done. I had let go and all that was left was love.
How to let go:
While this is a process and there are many layers, here are the basics of what I did:
I asked for what I needed to let go to show itself, one piece at a time. I held the energy of it in my heart and set the intention to love and accept myself for that feeling or belief regardless of what it was. Love is an amazing thing, when you use it in this way it is the ultimate tool for letting go and releasing. To help in the release process, I also did some deep breathing to breathe out the energy of the emotion or belief.
This also help you to stay present and grounded while releasing. In addition you can light a candle and set the intention for the energy you are releasing to be transmuted into light and have the candle absorb it. Let me know how this works for you in comments!