It's been a couple of weeks since I have written a blog. Sometimes, the inspiration just doesn't come like clockwork. I would love to put one out week after week, but I have to be in alignment with what I am writing and if it's not there, I just wont do it. It's almost like there is something that repels me from my office and there has been a serious repellant in here for the past couple of weeks.
But tonight, after a lot of work on myself today, I sat down in here to watch a podcast... Lewis Howes, of course. I was guided to watch his newest one with Rachel Platten who wrote Fight Song. It's an amazing interview that's very deep and right up my alley. She talks about losing herself in her fame and how she found her way back to herself with her spiritual practice. That hit home for me. It's easy to get wrapped up in our dreams and lose ourselves, regardless of what they are. Ego is an illustrious thing. It's shiny and wears many different faces. When we start living for it and feeding it, we get cut off from our divine essence, causing us to eventually spiritually and energetically starve. Ok, that's a bit heavy, and kind of a tangent. But it's what I've been dealing with the past couple of weeks.
I've been asking myself a lot of questions about why I do what I do. Do I actually even like it?? And if I don't why? Is it just some aspect of it that hits me the wrong way or is it all of it? What's my purpose?
I have been unraveling the tangled web I have been weaving over the past year to really come back to my core understanding of self. Talk about taking out the trash. I think there was some rotten chicken in there. But in it I realized I had been doing some of what I do because I was "supposed to": Blog every week, post on all these platforms every day, hold this persona, be vulnerable (but not too much). Blah and Blah and Blah.
As I have talked about I was in the middle of writing my book when I just stopped. Instead, I started working on The Social Movement. While the opportunity was a tremendous gift, it was the pinnacle of taking me away from myself.
A year ago, I built this website and started putting out content. I was so energized by the whole process. I really wasn't worrying about who was going to read it, I just wanted to share what I knew in hopes that it would help people. Then over time, I started to worry if what I had to say was good enough. I started having people come up to me and say, "I loved your blog this week!"
It took me a few times of that happening not to have a dumbfounded look on my face that says, "really? You read that? I thought I was just writing into a black hole." I just smooth it out now with a really cool, "well, Thank you."
The point is, in the middle of writing this book, I found every excuse in the world not to work on it. I was either too tired, stressed, busy, hungry, or whatever else I could come up with to touch it.
The truth was, I was afraid to work on it. I was getting close to completing it and I was afraid to bring it to the world. "What if no one reads it? What if it succeeds? What if everyone hates it?"
Fear was keeping me from it in such a big way until I watched this podcast (and did loads of work around these thoughts).
On this podcast, Lewis asked Rachel, if you were going to create something that you absolutely loved but you knew it was going to fail miserably, would you still do it?
If you knew in your heart and soul that you were expressing your truth and purpose and no one was going to like it, that it was going to fail miserably, would you still create it?
For me, this was such a liberating question. It helped me remember why I started writing this blog in the first place; why I love doing what I do. I think energy work is so cool! I love talking about all of the juicy inter dimensional stuff that's out there. It's fun and I feel like I have a unique perspective on it. It's such freedom really to not worry about anyone else and just create because it's in you.
And that's what allowed me to open my book back up and start writing again.
So, what if it fails? It's fun to write and life is a journey anyway.
What are you holding yourself back from creating? What light is in you that you are afraid to let shine?
I guarantee you, the inspiration is there for a reason. So, LET IT OUT! Create, express, have fun! That's what life is for. And chances are, those around you will be better off for it.